...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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