I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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