I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
