i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize