Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
