All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
