You can't special order awesome
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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