On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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