in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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