i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
