epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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