i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
