i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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