would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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