Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
