I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
