At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
