My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
