this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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