just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
