you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
