ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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