so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
