Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
