All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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