My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize