how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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