So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
