I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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