Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
