hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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