I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
