Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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