The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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