I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
