hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize