someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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