idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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