Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
