Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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