I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize