just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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