Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Let's paint friendship bongs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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