he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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