Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
