OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
