From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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