Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
