1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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