What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
