i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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