I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
