It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
