She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
