I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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