Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
