I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
