her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
