Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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