people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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