So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
