Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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