k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize