Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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