just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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