She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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