i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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