Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
