can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
