I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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