im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize