now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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