I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
