I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
