I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
