tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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