i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
