dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
