erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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