Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
