Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
