I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
