Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
