my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
