no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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