Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize