Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
