so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
