So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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