how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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