so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
please come you make the beer taste better
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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