Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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