i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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