Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
