he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize