i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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