U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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