You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
