It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
