hell yes lets make some ravioli
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
