dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
