on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
