I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
