I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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